I originally didn't want to go into the service. I had a good book, and I intended to read it. However, my father was disappointed, and I hate disappointing my father; it's such a difficult thing to do that I hate to do it. So I went into worship.
I can always get into the worship. I turn the words around and sing them back to the Father, to the Bridegroom. I take joy in the action of singing, in the knowledge that He is listening and loving me. Who wouldn't?
Some people went up to the microphone; some passages of Scripture were read to the body, a message that the person thought was being imparted to us. "God wants to give us blessing! He wants to send us a multitude to train! We will be a light to the world! We need to prepare ourselves for it! Hallelujah! God, send us Your gifts, Your blessings!" Choruses sounded from the audience: "Amen, Amen!" "Preach it!"
I sang in a seat near the back. And as I was listening, I found myself talking to God about these prayers. "We're not ready, God," I kept muttering sadly. "We're not ready." I didn’t realize what I was saying, or what it meant. I knew that my soul was speaking through my lips, but I didn’t make the connection mentally.
The worship ended and the service began. My pastor began teaching on how God wants to GIVE to us. I agreed, wholeheartedly; I had experienced His benevolence more times and in more ways than I knew. Then he taught how God wants to give us such bounty, that we must prepare ourselves to accept it. My pastor has always taught this, so I thought nothing of it until I felt the discordance in my soul. My mind began to understand.
I walked out of the service, seeking to pray. I found an empty room and began to pray to God, and He showed me what I wasn’t able to see. I ran to find a pen and two sheets of paper, and began to write.
I confess I felt very strongly while writing this, and I wanted to share it with you. This is what I wrote with only minor editorial changes made.
“What have we learned? We know that God had a plan and a purpose for us, yes. We know that we must be prepared to accept His rewards, His provisions, and His flood of blessings. But how do we prepare for such bounty? How do we expand to fit an unknown quantity? How do we prepare to teach for an unknown need? How do we prepare ourselves when we don’t know what we’re preparing for? God has called us to be a light, but if we don’t let Him prepare us, we will be a false light of humanistic proportions to humanity. We need to adjust and restore ourselves, yes, but unless we receive God and His blessing to our lives and our hearts to guide our every step, we will falter. Like a human-made wall against a vast flood, we will crumble under the pressure of the world. We are only human. But if we allow God to come inside us, change us from the outside in; if we surrender all we have, but more importantly, all we are, only then will we be readied for the blessings for God. If only God knows His inheritance, only He can prepare us to accept it. Let God take possession of you, your life, and your heart. Surrender everything, utterly and completely. Don’t prepare for His blessing. Let God prepare you for His blessing.”
Here I stopped for a moment, but then my soul ached to share the most important part of such a message of surrender. You cannot have the previous without knowing the next.
“This is the greatest romance story you will ever know. God loved you too much to allow you to be separated from Him, by sin, for eternity. He shed His living blood to overcome the barriers separating you and Him. There is no greater love than that which would lay down its life for its beloved. So how do you accept this love? How do you partake of the immense gift that Jesus has in store for you? You do it by surrendering your entire being into His possession. It won’t be easy; the process of denying your human self to the never-ending glory and love of God is not a simple sacrifice. But the joy that awaits you! The transformation that the sacrifice begets is so momentous, so life-changing! It affects every portion of your life from now until eternity and beyond! The intense joy that comes from a relationship with God! Don’t you want such a thing? God has made you to desire Him! All he requires is sacrifice. But once you have this relationship, this glorious connection to the Creator and the Lover of the Universe, you will shine so brightly! You will not be able to hide this beautiful thing that you share with a God so big, He cannot be contained! Man cannot help but notice the very thing their souls long for! This connection, so glorious, so uncontainable, so unrestrained, is such a joy to experience and achingly beautiful to behold! Let God have your life, and let God prepare you and fortify you with the love that He possesses, and then you won’t be able to cease His blessings’ flow into your life. Give God all you have, all you are; relinquish the controls, and let God define you.”